Ways to Identify the Need for Anger Management

Many people run from anger because they fear their feelings. Perhaps they’ve been taught to think anger is bad. Some people don’t get angry because they feel guilty when they do. Perhaps you have been taught by your family, teachers, or religious community that it is wrong to get angry, or that it should be a brief phase passed through as quickly as possible on your way to forgiveness. Well, I say that anger is a normal, human emotion. And when managed correctly, it plays an important role in the maintenance of a healthy mind.

They might know intellectually that they have plenty of reasons to feel angry, but for some reason they just can’t feel the appropriate emotions to fit the circumstances. Some people have repressed their anger so deeply that they can’t even identify anything to feel angry about. Often times you might have had some sad, painful or frightening experiences in the past that still bother you. You may know that you’re not finished healing from them, and even see that they still impact your behavior and the choices that you make today. However, when you consider those experiences, you just don’t feel angry. So instead, you try not to let it bother you; you try to pretend it didn’t happen, or you try to learn from the experience, or maybe you just try to move on.

Many people have troubling thoughts that return to them whenever they slow down enough to have quiet time to think. You probably know someone who will tell you he doesn’t like to be alone, or a friend who says she likes to keep busy because otherwise she “thinks too much.” In actuality, of course, the mere quantity of thought is not the problem...surely everyone can afford a free hour or two of thought each week without any harmful effects. Yet many busy people do not allow even that much time for quiet contemplation. The reason is that they find their thoughts returning over and over to particular worries, feelings of failure, or self-doubt. Usually people feel helpless with respect to making the memories go away, solving the problem, or resolving the nagging feelings. The best they can do is to avoid these reoccurring thoughts by not allowing themselves time to think. They find some behavior or substance that is the emotional equivalent of a painkiller (a drug which deadens the sensation of pain without remedying the source of the pain). They may turn to a variety of means for suppressing their feelings, and these are called “coping mechanisms” or “things people do instead of feeling angry." These are some of the ways men and women try to cope with their repressed feelings of anger. Even if you think you don’t feel angry, if you suffer from one of these, anger may be at the root of your problem.

1. Alcohol and prescription or illegal drugs to alter their moods so that they don't have to feel their true responses to the events of their life.

2. Addiction to romance—flitting from one relationship to another or remaining long-term rocky relationships.

3. Sexual addition.

4. Work-addiction or “workaholism”

5. Busyism (very close to work-addiction. The main difference is that you do not get paid for your efforts).

Using the addictions and behaviors just discussed to avoid the deeper issues may help you hold it together and keep up appearances for a while. However, it is as unwise as letting termites eat away at your home. After a while there will be nothing but a shell, and eventually the whole thing will come crashing down around you. Running to these distractions is like feeling safe only when you hide behind an imaginary wall. Anger work provides a means by which you can confront that boogie man lurking in the corner of your mind, and eventually vanquish it. If you have examined yourself and decided that you do not have any of the addictions listed above, then look a little farther and ask yourself if you suffer from anger masked by depression. Anger work can be just the tool you need to free yourself from much of the pain in your life.

Dr. Robert Puff is a licensed clinical psychologist and business consultant who has given hundreds of media interviews, including magazines, online magazines, TV and radio talk shows. At his web-site, all of Dr. Puff's writings are free, as e-books and unabridged audio recordings. If you would like to read or listen to his free numerous selections of how to handle fear, manage anger, reduce stress, go to => www.doctorpuff.com/

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